Monday, 5 April 2010

Roll up for the Mystery Tour

Fuc was sent a link to this the other day - a 'Manchester music tour', courtesy of The Grauniad "...featuring special guest appearances and recollections from Mancunian music legends including Peter Hook (Joy Division/New Order), Mike Joyce (The Smiths) and Damon Gough (better known as Badly Drawn Boy).

A visit to the city's newest music venue (based in the old Factory Records office) will be thrown in for good measure, along with an exclusive performance by Manchester's best up and coming band, Performance."

Judging by the lineup Fuc bets a crisp tenner that you'll be starting out at Salford Lad's Club (which is in Salford, not Manchester), for a brief soliloquy from the Smith with the lowest appearance fee, before walking down Salford's fashionable Regent Road and proceeding to cross several bits of dual carriageway before arriving at the Hacienda apartments.

Here Mr Hook will take the reins and personally take you into the foyer to look at the plaque and yet another piece of the dancefloor - and possibly even read it to you, if you're lucky.

Mr Bainbridge (who should know better than this) will then whisk you away to Night and Day, where Mr Gough will perhaps regale you with a terrifying tale about how someone once nicked his bobble hat inside this very venue, only to return it a few days later. (Or maybe the one about not paying people who played on his massively-successful debut album - it's a corker)

Finally, on to the Factory club to sample one of their fantastic 2-4-1 booze offers - time to put your feet up and listen to " exclusive performance by Manchester's best up and coming band, Performance"

Wait a second - did the mayor of 2002 just ride into town? We remember Performance from er... back when Mr Bainbridge was at City Life funnily enough. 'Up and coming', eh? 8 years is a long time to hone one's 'sound'. The band bragged in a recent interview about how they refused to change their name at the label's request as it was 'undignified' - but, luckily for you, can disgregard their principles to tag along with this bullshit.

[With thanks to Tess H for the submission]


  1. Will Hooky also be taking attendees for lunch at Gaucho Grill (formerly Sticky Fingers) for an all expenses paid kick in the stomach down memory lane?
    As for Performance, what were they told to change their name to? Brubaker?, The Courteeners?, Paul Gallagher and the Heptones?. I'm waiting with baited breathe for the return of Northern Uproar hoorah!

  2. Evenmoreunanonymous16 April 2010 at 12:44

    Sorry, thought it was the other Performance ha ha. Or is it? I'm confused, are there now 2 bands called Performance from Manchester??????

  3. I used to work with one of the girls in Performance (at least she was in that band back in 2002). She was nice enough, but I saw one of the dudes give an interview recently in his new band about how he was so glad to be out of the fashionista band he used to be in.

  4. Elliot Eastwick20 April 2010 at 12:51

    You are Rob Hyde and I claim my blah blah blah.
    Now grow up.

  5. Hi Elliot - thanks for your interest in Fuc51. Your post means a lot.

    As mentioned numerous times elsewhere Fuc isn't written by one person - and we've never heard of Rob either.

    thanks for your continued support.
    Fuc x

  6. Nearly a thousand people applied to do that this afternoon.

    Imagine if that many people gave a fuck about fuc 51?

    You might have a chance of doing something interesting. Which considering the fact you dont have the guts to back up your own petard or identity seems fucking unlikely.

    Elliot, nice one mate.

    You lot, gtf.

    JFM x

  7. Hi Elliot!

    Great to hear from you. Hope the hospital radio is going well. I'd wondered what you were up to, and it seems you're still a professional internet fuckwand. Hope that's going well too.

    Flattered you think Fuc51 is me. For the record, I whole-heartedley approve of it, if you're interested.

    Hope to see you soon,
    Rob Hyde x

  8. at least Elliott has done something with his life, 'hospital radio' or not.

    This all sounds like resentment from those who didn't have the nouse to do something with their own lives, except bitch from behind a poxy blog.

    Or jealousy to try and belittle someones achievements when you're unhappy with your own. (or lack thereof)

    For the record i don't know Elliott personally, i just think you lot are a massive bunch of cunts for the way you go about your business.

  9. We don't know Elliot personally either. Whenever we see him on the internet he's belittling someone's achievments though. Maybe he's unhappy with his own.