Sunday, 7 February 2010

"I used to be in a band"

A lot of Fuc51's bilious rage has been directed at Mr Peter Hook, and he certainly has a lot to answer for when it comes to clinging onto those last few hours of time in the sun. 'Keyboard terrorists' we may be, but there it is in print - he admits that if you go to watch him DJ, you are guaranteed that around 50% of the records he plays will be 'that old ****'. (Nice tabloid-style starring out there, City Life - can your readers not handle swearing?)

Don't get us wrong, the problem doesn't begin and end with him, though in terms of fist-in-mouth cringe-inducing moments he is unequalled. Here he is on a 'walkabout' around Manchester with a Guardian sycophant in tow, informing a couple of young girls that he 'used to be in a band' (0:48). Watch it through your fingers. Watch it again. And again. Incredible. You can imagine him prowling the Northern Quarter in the early hours of a Sunday morning, telling anyone who'll listen.

Here he is musing on the opening of FAC251 in the Oldham Advertiser. Ignoring the usual 'We, as the Hacienda' remarks, he also opines "I'd like to think Tony would approve of what we're doing here". It's like Bush's divine justifaction for invading Iraq. If you can convince yourself Tony would have approved, you can open whatever poorly-thought-out revivalist temple of the mediocre you like.

With all due respect for Tony Wilson, towards the end he was releasing records by the likes of these Collyhurst scamps (Sample lyric: 'We're the Young Offenders / Working class pretenders / Always out on benders') - no, they were not a 'comedy' band - it could be said that his quality control was a little out. Whether he'd have approved or not is irrelevant. Peter, go on another walkabout of the Northern Quarter and do a quick straw poll of young people you meet (after dropping into conversation that you used to be in a band, of course) - ask them if they approve. They couldn't care less.

(Thanks to David and Phill for the submissions)


  1. My old house-mate was a massive fan of New Order and went to watch Hooky DJ a few years back - she managed to sneak backstage to ask for an autograph, at which point he asked her if she wanted to give him a blowjob.
    And although he wasn't to know... she was 15 at the time. So yes the "I used to be in a band" line was pretty excruciating to watch.

    I also love how he name drops Egyptian Hip Hop too..
    Its almost as embarrassing as when Danny McNamara (Ex Embrace - now running Moho, the worst venue in town) claimed he knew 50 amazing manchester bands in the NME (most of whom are happy to pay2play eh Danny?) and how the Aftershow was the best new night in manchester. Yeah I know lets give Goldie Lookin' Chain a headline slot.. or Starsailor.

    Just take a look at some of the nights FAC251 are lining up...(facebook log-in needed)

    Oh dear. No mention of the music they play, just the drinks offers... and a million student flogging cheap entrance.

  2. Nice leather cap and 'tache in early shots

  3. funny how obsessed with the past Fuc51 is...
    funny that while Fac251 put on new bands Fuc51 moans about old ones
    funny how Fuc 51 makes no mention of any new music in all his internet dribblings
    funny how Fuc51 only talks about the northern quarter like is still some kind of barometer of cool when in reality it’s full of ageing students none of whom are from Manchester
    funny how Fuc51 keeps reprinting Tony Naylor's bitter Guardian missive- Naylor is a chubby food writer- hardly on the ball!

  4. Naylor still wrote about music in the Guardian last time I looked.
    'Obsessed with the past?' - my understanding of this blog is that they wish someone would close the door on the past.